Be the Man Women Want on the First Date

Though online dating may be the newest place to meet that someone special, the best first dates still play out like first dates of old.

Here are a few tips to guide men through the night.

Groom Thyself

Before going on a date, men, (and one may think it goes without saying) a shower or bath goes a long way. Cleanliness next to godliness aside, a clean man is a man who cares enough to impress. If you go beyond a simple wash up—by trimming your nails and plucking unkempt eyebrow, nose, and ear hairs—women will take notice. Women appreciate details, and women, moreover, appreciate the men who appreciate it.

Be Punctual

If you care enough to be somewhere, you will be there on time. Women understand this without fault and seldom forgive the late man who tries to argue otherwise. Do not be late for a date! If she has time to second-guess her decision to meet you, it is likely when you arrive at your arranged destination, she will have gone. If you knock at her door late, do not expect an answer.

Give Thoughtfully

When you show up at your date’s door for the first time or meet her face to face finally, bring a thoughtful gift. Chocolates and flowers, though cliché, can still work as excellent gifts if you put additional thought into them. Usually emails and phone conversations precede the first date, so you should be able to personalize any gift. If she likes, for example, tennis or golf, then chocolates in the shape of rackets, clubs and balls are available. The point of the first gift is not to impress her monetarily, but to impress on your date that you listen.

Be Polite

In the old world fashion, treat your date like a lady. Walk street side on the sidewalk to protect her from gutter spray. Open doors for her. Pull out her chair. Play off her cues, though. Some women may be uncomfortable with this sort of attention, though most still anticipate and appreciate it.

Compliment, Compliment, Compliment

Before even asking your date how she is doing, you should compliment her beauty. The more specific the compliment, the more flattering it will be. Be sure to compliment your date throughout the night, but do not overdo it. After 4 or 5 compliments, she may disbelieve your sincerity. Don’t lie to make a compliment either. Highlight and praise the features or gestures you truly admire.

Have a Conversation

Quiet time on a first date can be a killer. It is awkward at least. To avoid the potentially disastrous silence, prepare yourself for conversation. Before you arrive on the date, make a list of questions you wish to know about your date. Either ask follow up questions to conversations already had over the phone or email or ask new questions that are typically important to you. You may want to avoid religion, politics, past relationships, marriage and kids on a first date. Beyond planning for lulls, you should resolve yourself to listen—fully listen—to your date. Ask her follow-up questions. Ask for clarifications. If you are at a lost for what to say next, just let her talk.

Pay for the Date

It is best as the man to pay for the first date. However, if she insists on going Dutch, respect her decision. Best rule of thumb, men: bring enough to cover the night. To avoid the awkwardness at the check time, you could discuss beforehand that you would like to pay.

Don’t Lose Your Cool at the Door

Kiss? Don’t kiss? Kiss on the cheek? Hug? Ending a date can be nerve racking. Sorry, men, there are no easy rules here. Trust your gut. If she has given you signals throughout the date—twirling her hair, lightly brushing your arm, etc.—a move at the door may pay off. If your date turns her cheek as you go in for her lips, be respectful. Kiss her on the cheek lightly. Do not take this as a rejection as she may have different rules for herself at the end of a date. Set up a second date if you are interested, or plan a call if needed. However, do not make promises you do not intend to keep.