Try a Slower Connection Speed

Our world moves faster and faster every day. With the internet, the world moves at the connection speed of gigabytes per second. And soon—as we all can guess—the current speed will lag in comparison to next year’s speed or the following years’. We are a quick people now, driven by quick lives.

How does this affect our dating experiences? A large number of us date online today. We scroll through profile pics to find attractive faces. We breeze through profiles with easy-to-read lists: hobbies, interests, goals, and expectations. Our next love interest starts as a headshot followed by standardized, bulleted lists.

Slow Down

Profiles are, at best, calling cards—introductions to our likes and dislikes. However, they do not represent fully the complete person. So much is excluded in dating profiles, so much that can give a person the best indication of who they are meeting: a person’s family, a person’s ethics, a person’s storytelling style or charm. When reading profiles, be more discerning than a search engine would be. Don’t ferret out keywords; read between the lines.

When you email or instant message a potential date, do so with the intention of getting to know him or her further. Do not rush into setting a face-to-face date. The most successful online daters chat with multiple suitors. They get to know them over the course of several conversations over several days or weeks. If you have a bad day at work, dial up a potential date and see how well they comfort you or how quickly they can lighten your mood with a laugh. Test the waters.

Jump When Ready

Jumping in, when its time, should be exhilarating not only because it is new but because it is the right leap to take. You should be excited to take the relationship to the next level, excited to finally match gestures and expressions to a person’s speech, excited to encounter for the first time an already good friend.

The world goes by quickly, so it is we who must pause from time to time. We are the timekeepers of our own lives, the pacers of our own hearts.


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